My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just want to make out with him forever
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
