I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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