i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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