i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
