guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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