i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
