You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
