Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
