john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm too high and old for this...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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