a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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