I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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