remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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