Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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