There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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