She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
