i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
