Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
they need to just BURY HIM!
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
