he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
