What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
