just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize