watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I believe in your delicious
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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