i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
