We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
