literally had 100 drinks last night.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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