she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
