first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
