I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
