If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
