I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize