I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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