Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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