Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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