omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
