he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
