At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
