I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
