So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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