you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
we should paint friendship bongs
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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