Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
