oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
