ya dads aren't the best wingmen
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
