My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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