Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
