I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
