whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
