where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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