I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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