I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize