I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
