Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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