I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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