I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
