I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
