i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
