i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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