Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
