After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
