We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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