he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈ðŸ˜
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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