i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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