The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
