Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
