So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize