Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
