just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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