We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
