Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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