Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He kissed a someone with a penis
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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