I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
