I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
