I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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