I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize