How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
