I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
