you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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